Growing Up Strong: The Skills Teens Need Before Stepping Into Adulthood

The first time Bishop Hunt asked a shy teenage girl in his congregation to lead an activity, she looked as if she might sink right into her chair. Public speaking wasn’t her strength, and being in charge felt even scarier. But he offered the assignment, anyway, sensing she needed an opportunity more than protection.

By the end of the night, something had shifted. Her voice was louder. Her posture was taller. And when she sat down, she whispered, almost surprised by her own courage, “I did it.”

Moments like that, the bishop explained, are why he has spent years working with youth. “Watching teens discover they can do hard things without their parents stepping in, that’s the best part of this calling,” he said. He has served as a bishop for four years and worked with teenagers in various roles for many more. His steady interactions with youth give him a front-row seat to what prepares teens for adulthood, and what often leaves them unprepared.

Parents today, he believes, are raising bright, compassionate kids who care deeply about the world. But many teens are entering adulthood missing foundational skills that used to be considered basic. And it’s not because they’re incapable. It’s because the modern world has changed the way they learn.

The Skill Gap Parents Don’t Always See

When asked which skills matter most before a teen leaves home, the bishop didn’t hesitate.

“Learning to manage themselves- their responsibilities, their time is at the top,” he said. “Communication is close behind it. Teens need to know how to talk to adults, ask questions, and not be afraid to speak up.”

He also emphasized self-reliance: knowing how to work, cook simple meals, clean a living space, and handle everyday tasks without constant prompting. But in his experience, many teens believe they already possess these skills, especially communication, because they are texting all the time.

“Texting makes them feel like they’re good communicators,” he said, but resolving conflict face-to-face is a totally different ball game, and many struggle when things get uncomfortable.

Research supports this shift. A Pew Research Center report found that while 95% of teens use smartphones daily, far fewer feel confident navigating in-person interactions without anxiety or hesitation. Digital fluency, the report notes, does not automatically translate into interpersonal confidence.

Why Resilience Is Declining

The bishop has noticed one challenge above all others: a lack of resilience.

“When something doesn’t go their way, so many teens don’t know what to do. They’ve had fewer chances to fail safely,” he said.

He sees two major contributors. First, today’s culture values instant gratification—answers, solutions and entertainment are always one tap away. Second, parents often feel stretched thin, and when life is busy, doing a task themselves is faster than teaching a teen how to do it.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has made similar observations, noting that teens today experience higher stress levels but lower tolerance for discomfort, partly because they have fewer everyday opportunities to practice problem-solving without adult intervention.

“We don’t realize how often we step in,” the bishop said. When we rescue them right away it sends a signal to the child that we do not trust that they are capable to figure it out on their own.

Small, Everyday Teaching Moments Matter Most

Parents often assume teaching life skills requires elaborate lessons. But according to the bishop, the most meaningful learning happens in practical, everyday moments.

He offered these suggestions:

•  Let your teen cook dinner one night a week.

•  Have them speak for themselves at the doctor’s office.

•  Assign real chores and follow up with accountability.

•  Encourage them to schedule their own appointments or manage small budgets.

“They are smarter than we give them credit for,” he said. “Give them a meaningful task, and they usually rise to it.”

The Power of One Responsibility at a Time

One of the most useful parenting approaches, he suggested, is avoiding overload. Teens learn best one step at a time, with space to make mistakes.

“Give them one responsibility at a time and let them figure it out,” he said. “Don’t jump in to fix everything. Let them know you’re nearby if they really need help, but let them struggle a little. That’s where they become confident.”

Helping teens understand the “why” behind a skill also makes a difference.

“If they know they need that skill for their mission, or for college, or for their first apartment, it clicks,” he said. “They walk away with confidence instead of frustration.”

Technology: Helpful, but Not a Substitute for Real Experience

Smartphones have made information more accessible than ever, but they’ve also created what the bishop calls a “false sense of competence.” Teens feel knowledgeable because they can look up anything instantly, but knowing information is not the same as doing the work.

“Technology is useful, but it can’t replace real-life experiences,” he said. Learning to cook, clean, manage time or control emotions requires practice, not a quick search engine result.

Hope for the Rising Generation

Despite the challenges teens face, the bishop is incredibly optimistic.

“What gives me hope is their hearts,” he said. “They care about people. They want to make a difference. When you give them tools and trust, they will rise to the occasion”

He has seen many shy teens become leaders, overwhelmed teens become problem-solvers, and uncertain youth learn to thrive simply because someone believed in them enough to hand them responsibility and trust them.

His advice to parents is simple but profound:

“Give them responsibility earlier than you think they’re ready for. Let them make mistakes. Being uncomfortable is how they grow.”

As parents guide their teenagers toward adulthood, the goal isn’t perfection, it’s progress. With small opportunities, patient teaching, and genuine trust, families can help teens discover exactly what that young girl realized the night she led for the first time:

“I can do it.”